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Tuesday, March 31, 2009 11:42 PM

Utterly disgusted by you, your made-believed sincere actions & words.

Disappointed & scared by those layers & layers of masks you are wearing under that facade of yours.

I use to think & believe that probably we are not close enough to see that "real" you.
Probably, with your other friends, you are different; you're"real" with them?

I use to hold onto this hope that probably..
one day I can gradually uncover those layers of pretense of yours.
& deep inside you're actually truly; sincerely; a friend.

But now, I think I am just unmasking more repulsive & ugly sides of you.
Deep down, I knew of these all along.

But, owells..
Love is blind.
I was blinded.
What did I see in you?!
I am so grossed out by the the fact that I used to like you so much till its called
"Obsession" by my friends around me.

Rhian thought that I won't be able take it, that she didn't know if she should tell me this rubbish, ugly side of you.
Same for Stef, she wants to save me away from you.
Rhian was ready that I might cry when she "shoved" the truth right up to my face.
But my face was normal,expressionless.
Felt nothing.

I knew about these all along.
I just kept hoping & hoping..

I can proclaim to them that I am 100% totally over you.
In fact, hatred has taken over & it's building up as I am typing away.

I would really hope that you scram.

Get out of my life & away from my friends.
But seeing the way you treat your friends & me, it seems the same.
& for that..
I pity you for having friends that you secretly dislike,badmouth & back stab.
I feel sad for you that you are still "friends" with them.
You must be feeling horrible.

& I must say.
You have no right to criticize my friends at all.
Don't even ask why is she/he, my friend.
They are my friends cause they are real to me.
They show me the truth, the light.
Even if they don't, I know they have rightful reasons.
& I trust them because our friendship is definitely longer than me & you.
It's the same for you right?
You would trust everything your buddies in Secondary school say?
Another reason for why my friends seems fine with you or made an effort to interact with you was cause they practice:

I just can't believe myself :
Why I still have this glitch of hope that when you realise that I am talking about you..
You might change or go back to how you think you were a better person when you were in Secondary school.
By then, if you had reverted & you wish to..
Tell me.
I want to get to know that you.

My perception & impression of you now -gone,negative!
I felt nothing when I heard it from Stef & Kitty.
But as I was on my way home, the more I thought, the more affected I was.

Hope you know, I am talking about you.
& save yourself.

Stef,Kitty,Nicky & Germ.
Don't worry, I can still take it.
I am fine :)